One year down.  Forty nine more to go.  I’ve got to be honest (we know I don’t know any other way) our first year wasn’t anything I expected.  I’m not sure I had anything particular in mind other than being clouded in ridiculous amounts of newly wedded bliss.  I’d have to say the first six months were so far from that.  I hope you know that I don’t mean that in a bad way I just mean it in an honest way.  I feel like someone should have given me a heads-up tough.  Just a simple “Hey, the first year can be a bit of a challenge.  It’s not going to be all rose color glasses.”  I would have remembered that just like when people told me to elope or do destination I remembered several times during the planning process.  I didn’t listen but the advice was comforting and something I’ll pass on.

I think marriage is different for everyone.  I don’t think anything we did or didn’t do would have changed our first year together and I’m not one who lives in regrets and desires to go back in time.  It’s most likely my expectations that set my outlook up for failure and if we’re really getting down to it caused some of the stressors, moods, and feelings.  Again wouldn’t change a thing.

Life is messy.  Marriage is messy.  People are messy.  It’s what I love about it all.  I think beauty is found in the imperfections.  It’s what makes all the good things worth it.  If we didn’t have messy, would we ever notice the clean?

Everyone tells you that relationships aren’t like fairy tales.  I think they’re wrong.  Have you ever read a fairy tale where it wasn’t a mess.  She nearly dies. He has to fight a dragon.  She is treated like crap. His parents don’t understand him.  The realities of life are all there.  They overcome them and live happily ever after.  That is life.  The fairytale is sticking with one another through it all.  Choosing each other no matter what.  Knowing that the ugly side of yourself is still loved by another because no one truly understands you but that person.  That when you’re down you don’t have to always pick yourself up but there’s a hand reaching to help you.  Without all that how would we appreciate the good.  The moment when you’re half sleeping on a road trip and your husband grabs your hand and holds it.  When he pulls you in to snuggle just a little bit longer.  If we didn’t have the bad, we’d never see good.  and when it’s good, it’s fucking good.  When it’s bad it’s still good.  I’d rather be down in the trenches with you then on the top of the world with anyone else.

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Don’t worry I had high expectations for when I turned 30 and it didn’t happen.  31 though.